How to Make Friends at University: A Real Guide

If you feel lonely at university, you are not the odd one out

It can feel as though everyone else arrived with a friendship group pre-installed. They didn't. Most people around you are quietly wondering the same thing: where do I actually find my people? Loneliness at uni is so ordinary that it barely makes you unusual, it makes you human in a new place.

It's also not a sign you're failing. The U.S. Surgeon General's 2023 advisory, cited in our research, names young adults as one of the loneliest groups of all and calls loneliness a genuine public-health epidemic, not a personal flaw. Naming that honestly takes some of its weight off. You're not behind; you're in the part nobody photographs.

So the goal of this guide isn't to turn you into someone bubblier. It's to give you small, repeatable moves that turn strangers into familiar faces, and familiar faces into friends.

Show up to the same things, again and again

Friendship is built far less on big personalities than on repeated, low-pressure exposure to the same people. The single most useful thing you can do is pick a few fixed points in your week and keep returning to them, the same seminar seat, the same gym class, one society that meets weekly.

Repetition does the heavy lifting for you. By the third or fourth time, a nod becomes a hello, a hello becomes a chat, and a chat becomes "want to grab a coffee after?", none of which you had to force.

• Choose one or two societies you'd attend even if no one spoke to you, shared interest carries the early awkwardness.
• Sit in roughly the same place in lectures so the people beside you become regulars, not randoms.
• Say yes to the dull-sounding flat or corridor things, a shared kitchen tea round builds more friendships than any freshers' night.
• Pick activities with a built-in task (sport, choir, a society project). Doing something side by side is far easier than talking face to face.

Start more small conversations than feel comfortable

Here's the part that genuinely changes things, and it's backed by solid evidence. We are remarkably bad at predicting how social contact will go. In Epley and Schroeder's 2014 study, people who struck up a conversation with a stranger ended up happier than those who kept to themselves, and crucially, we underestimate how much the other person wants to talk too.

It goes deeper than mood. Schroeder, Lyons and Epley's 2022 "Hello, stranger?" work found that people enjoy longer, more meaningful conversations with strangers than they expect, and that the fear of rejection is wildly overblown. The awkwardness you're dreading mostly lives in the anticipation, not the actual chat.

The barrier to connection isn't other people. It's our own forecast of how it will go.

, summarising Epley & Schroeder, see our research

So lower the bar. You don't owe anyone a brilliant opening line. "How are you finding this module?", "Is this seat taken?", or "That reading was brutal, wasn't it?" are completely enough. You're not auditioning; you're just opening a door.

Don't dismiss the small, fleeting chats

If deep friendship feels a long way off, start with the people you'll never call your best mate, and let that be fine. Sandstrom and Dunn's 2014 research on "weak ties" found that even small exchanges with classmates, baristas and people you half-know measurably boost your sense of belonging and wellbeing.

This matters enormously in your first weeks, when close friendships simply haven't had time to form. A friendly hello to the person on reception, a quick word with someone in your tutorial, a thank-you that turns into thirty seconds of chat, these aren't failed friendships. They're the everyday warmth that makes a campus feel like somewhere you belong while the bigger bonds catch up.

Collect weak ties generously. A surprising number of them quietly become strong ones.

Move past small talk sooner than you think

Plenty of people manage the hellos and still feel unseen, because conversation stalls at logistics, course, hometown, halls, and never reaches anything real. The fix isn't more chat; it's slightly braver chat.

Aron and colleagues' famous 1997 study (the "36 questions") showed that asking gently escalating, more meaningful questions can create genuine closeness between strangers surprisingly fast. You don't need a script, just a willingness to ask one question that actually matters and to answer honestly when it's turned back on you.

• Trade "what are you studying?" for "what made you choose it?"
• Try "what's been the best and worst bit of this term so far?", it invites something honest.
• Ask what they're into outside the course; people light up talking about what they love.
• When someone shares something real, match it. Reciprocity is what turns a chat into a connection.

If you'd like a longer set of prompts, we've gathered some in our guide to deep questions to ask.

A gentler option when starting from scratch feels like too much

Some days you simply don't have a sociable button to press, and walking up to strangers is a tall order for introverts, mature students returning to study, or international students finding their feet in a new culture and language. A structured nudge can do what willpower alone won't.

This is exactly why everconnected exists. It matches like-minded people for a one-on-one, anonymous, guided conversation, so there's no profile to perform and no room full of people to read, just one real exchange with someone who chose to show up too. Universities can run their own tribe, which means students from the same uni get matched 1:1 anonymously for a genuine conversation with someone who already shares your world. (worth asking your students' union or wellbeing team about.)

Used alongside the everyday moves above, it's a low-stakes way to practise the very thing this guide is about: starting.

Be patient, and be kind to yourself

Real friendship is rarely instant. The connections that last tend to form over a term, not a weekend, through repetition, small risks, and a hundred unremarkable conversations. If your first few weeks feel thin, that's not evidence it won't happen; it's just the early part.

Keep showing up. Start the chat you're tempted to skip. Let the weak ties accumulate. Ask the slightly braver question. The maths of connection is quietly in your favour, far more people want to meet you than you'd ever guess.